Who's got my water wings?

One meme says depression is like drowning except you can see everyone around you breathing.  Kind of true but what it really is that you are drowning and you reach out for someone to grab on to but they pull their arm away.  Can they not see that I am drowning?  Do they care?  I use to think that they don’t.  how can you sit by and watch someone literally drown before your eyes?  And I thought about this in so many different ways.  Well Some people are just assholes.  That is just a fact of life.  We all have some assholes in our life.  Some people get fed up watching someone try to swim and not get anywhere.  Some people panic that they themselves might fail at the rescue that makes them feel inadequate, you make them feel shitty about themselves and they project that on to you.  Blame the person that invokes their short comings.  Some people feel resentment that they tried to throw you a rope but missed and you are still struggling to stay afloat.  you didn’t try hard enough. Some people get angry that you are even in the water in the first place.  Some people feel so guilty that they are the one that pushed you in.  that once again, you made them feel shitty and how dare you make them feel that shitty.  But what people don’t need is someone throwing rocks are someone who is drowning.  This “tough love” approach doesn’t work.  If anyone tells you that they are doing something for you own good, leave.  Doesn’t matter if it’s a spouse, family member, friend, coworker, dr or even a shrink,  its irresponsible, dangerous and cruel.  To inflect more suffering onto someone already that low is probably the worse thing you could do.  Would you tell someone with cancer nah, im not going to help you through chemo, you’ll thank me later?  Hell no.  that would be totally unacceptable.  But yet I have meet so many people with this attitude when it comes to an illness of the brain,  which like all mental illnesses, depression is.  Its very frustrating that you are already trying to stay above the water and someone comes by and sits from the shore watching you struggle and worse, chastises youor even worse, turns their back on you.   Yet they still in their minds think that they are your saving grace and doing you a solid.  And if you have enough self esteem left to say to this person you are not helping and are making it worse, well, you just shot yourself in the foot.  How dare you tell them that they are wrong.  They were trying to help you and you just bit the hand that fed you, You evil monster.  These people will make you feel even worse about yourself and make you feel bad for having struggles.  I know its hard and you need all the supports you can get but if they cant see the error of their ways,  they are not mentally healthy themselves.  You won’t get what you so desperately need from them. You need compassion.  And what do you do when you can’t find that compassion from anyone? The sad things there are so many of us that don’t have these people in our lives.  I’m told that you have to find it within yourself.  That a pretty tall order when you’re flailing around in the water.  Some have drowned waiting for something that didn’t come. How do you teach yourself to swim if you don’t know how to swim? Some might be able to figure it out on their own,  some might seems to be doing ok but are very tired and not out of the rough yet and some have tried so hard that they have nothing left.  And that is the real tragedy.  If you really want to help someone you care about, show them how much they matter. Lead by example.  Maybe the world wouldn’t seem so bleak if anyone could just show a tiny bit of empathy.   You don’t need to jump in the water to save them, but you can toss them a lifejacket or a rope or when they are back on shore, help them out of the water and congratulate them for persevering. Maybe teach them how to swim in case this happens again so they can save themselves.   but whatever you do, don’t assume that since you know how to swim, they will figure it out too or you will watch them slip under and Turning your back on them is not going to make them try harder or drown less.  But above everything else, make sure you don’t have your foot on their head.